Yeah, I watched the Grammys. In their entirety. I even skipped a new episode of Once Upon a Time in favor of the first hour. And I got so bored in the hours leading up to the televised Grammys that I watched both the E! and TV Guide Network red carpet coverage (never again).
I also found myself having opinions about the Grammys. So I started taking notes on my iPad (in retrospect, I should’ve done it longhand, because my iPad wouldn’t desperately need to be charged if I’d done it that way). And it’s late and I’m tired so rather than try to form my notes into actual sentences and paragraphs, I will simply transcribe them here. So I present to you my (mostly unedited) notes from the 54th Annual Grammy Awards.
(Please note: I didn’t intend to do it this way so I’m now kind of embarrassed by some of the words I used in my notes. See, for example, Bruno Mars’ performance. But I’m really going to try to not edit while I transcribe.)
Both red carpet shows were atrocious.
And what the bloody f**k was up with Kelly Osbourne’s hair? It was gray!! Clearly, I should pay attention to her opinions on fashion.
Bruce Springsteen = sleepy time (I don’t like Springsteen, sue me)
Bruno Mars = love (“Runaway Baby” is my jam and I really liked the old-school Motown vibe in his performance. I’ve found myself drawn to that a lot with new artists lately: Fitz & the Tantrums, Electric Guest, Graffiti6, and Plan B)
Alicia Keys & Bonnie Raitt = meh (at least it was an Etta James song I’d never heard before)
Chris Brown = moral outrage (only palatable due to the righteous indignation that took over my Twitter feed. Look, I stopped liking Chris Brown the second he beat the ever-loving snot out of Rihanna. I agree wholeheartedly with this article at HelloGiggles.)
Jason Aldean & Kelly Clarkson = meh (wish I could say “who?”)
What is up with bedazzled microphones? Kelly tonight, Miranda Lambert at the Super Bowl
Also, Aldean is a f**king douche for wearing that big ass hat while in his seat in the audience
Haha, his mic stopped working
Glad Adele and Watch the Throne won televised awards
Foo Fighters = blech (I don’t like the Foo Fighters, I don’t care if that is sacrilege for a 90s kid who loves Nirvana. I stopped liking the Foo Fighters the second they released “Everlong” as a single.)
In retrospect, the first hour wasn’t worth missing Once Upon a Time. At least I can catch up with the ABC app on my iPad.
Rihanna & Coldplay = meh (would’ve preferred just Rihanna – especially since Chris Brown got to perform by himself)
Wtf? Willie Nelson covered “The Scientist” (a/k/a, the only Coldplay song I really love)? And it’s in a Chipotle commercial?
Why was Bon Iver not nominated for Rock Performance? And boo the Foo Fighters won!
Holy s**t, Butch Vig looks old
Dammit, I can’t argue with Dave’s speech. (Which is to say, good speech, Dave Grohl.)
The Beach Boys reunion – this is what I was waiting for
Maroon 5 = meh (I like them, but the Beach Boys they are not. “Surfer Girl” was probably a bad choice.)
Foster the People = good (“Wouldn’t It Be Nice” was a better choice and I love their 60s-era Beach Boys-esque shirts)
Beach Boys = awesome (dear Maroon 5, this is how you harmonize. And is that or is that not John Stamos on the drums?)
Paul McCartney = sleepy time (seriously, Stevie Wonder’s brief performance on the harmonica was a thousand times better)
Chris Brown won = moral outrage (and Common, I am disappoint)
60 seconds of the Civil Wars = better than most everything else thus far
Taylor Swift = good (I don’t want to like “Mean,” but I do. And kudos to her for going the anti-glam route with the performance)
The Chevy Sonic commercial makes me hope “We Are Young” dominates the Grammys next year.
Okay with Adele winning Song of the Year, but was hoping for Bon Iver.
Crimped & blue hair Katy Perry? Pretty sure one would’ve sufficed. (Also, I would’ve liked her performance more if she did a song I like.)
Best Country Album = sleepy time (oh God, and f**king Lady Antebellum won – hate)
Adele = amazing (she looked great, though I don’t know how I feel about her as a blonde. Kudos to her doctors for helping her get her voice back. I admit it, “Rolling in the Deep” is a great song)
People at the Grammys with Morrissey hair: Bruno Mars, Alicia Keys, Ryan Seacrest, Adam Levine (I think), Blake Shelton (not quite, but I think he just lacks the balls to go full-on Morrissey), Ryan Tedder
Glen Campbell tribute
The Band Perry = who?? (and what’s with the guy who thinks he’s in an indie band – t-shirt and jeans at the Grammys)
Blake Shelton = okay (for a country singer, he’s not so bad)
Glen Campbell = excellent (good for him – killing that suit – thankfully he didn’t even seem sick – I actually kinda know “Rhinestone Cowboy”)
I don’t know why they say LL is hosting this event, we aren’t seeing much of him or his never-ending lip-licking.
Carrie Underwood with the bedazzled mic
Tony Bennett & Carrie Underwood = pretty good (but am I actually supposed to believe that she gives a s**t about Tony Bennett?)
Yes, Bon Iver won Best New Artist!! (thank God – even if I don’t really understand how Bon Iver qualifies as a “new” artist)
Great speech, Justin Vernon
Didn’t Amy Winehouse die just before last year’s Grammys? (Edited to add: nope, she didn’t, I think I confused last year’s VMAs with last year’s Grammys)
Called it! (isn’t Simon’s advice always to avoid doing Whitney, especially this song?)
I think Jennifer Hudson and Adele have the same hair
I know you’re verklempt, honey, but no need to get screechy
I thought there was supposed to be more to the Whitney tribute than just Jennifer Hudson?
Dance whatever the f**k they called it
Because Chris f**king Brown and the Foo Fighters needed to perform twice tonight
Best part of the David Guetta/Chris Brown/Lil Wayne performance was Weezy’s shoes
And why does Chris Brown think he’s in Run-DMC?
Okay, deadmau5 wasn’t completely awful (even though “Rope” sucks)
Holy crap, deadmau5 has the skinniest little arms
Yes, admittedly electronic music isn’t my thing
Nicki Minaj = what in the actual f**k? (but I guess it explains the bizarro outfit she wore to the ceremony)
Adele won again – shocker
Still not as annoying as “Need You Now” winning a million times last year was
Adele with the hat trick
Random shot of Paul Shaffer
McCartney + Grohl + Springsteen = I don’t care (admittedly more entertaining than his first performance)
And that’s it. Good Lord, I wrote, like, a 1,000 words. No wonder I drained the battery in my iPad. Congrats to Bon Iver and Adele. Kudos to the music industry for not naming Skrillex the best new artist. And, yeah, I am tired.