Sigh

Everything sucks and is terrible. That is all.

The Phillies have lost six games in a row. They are God knows how far back in the NL East. (I could look it up, but it would only depress me.) Freddy Galvis is the latest in a long line of good players to hit the DL. Thank God for sarcasm, because it is the only way I am able to deal with any of this.

Plus, and this may just be depression talking, but I kinda want to drop out of school. (God, I hope it’s depression talking.) I just don’t care any more. The things that are stressing me out seem dumb and pointless and dropping out would be so much easier than dealing with them. And now, instead of forcing myself to come up with some dumb comment for the message board (seriously, why is 50% of the grade in one class participation? at least give me questions to answer – I don’t have anything to say about the reading, but I have to come up with something or I’ll fail the stupid class), my brain just keeps circling back to “drop out” and that just will not end well.

I don’t know what I’d do if I did drop out, but obviously I’d have to do something. I can just imagine interviewing for an accounting job and trying to explain the past two years. “Well, I quit my last job because it was crushing my soul and my boss was a ginormous dick and I wanted to go back to school. So I went to library school but I burned out on classes that weren’t particularly interesting to me, but I had to take, y’know? So I dropped out of library school. And I want to get the hell out of Florida, but I can’t sell my stupid house until November, so this would only be a temp gig for me because I will start looking for a job in Philly come November 1. Please hire me.” I’m sure I’d be hired on the spot.

On the one hand, that little thought experiment just highlighted the many ways in which dropping out would be super dumb. But dammit I hate school right now. Why didn’t I listen to my undergrad self? The one that repeatedly said that I could never go to grad school because I’d burn out and become apathetic. She was a freaking genius.

And it’s raining right now. Of course it is, it’s June. And the rain wouldn’t be such a bummer if I were watching it, because I enjoy a good storm, but I never open my curtains. I don’t know why, but I don’t. Never have. I think looking outside would be too great of a reminder of what a fucking stupid decision buying this house was (and that is not depression talking; it was empirically one of the worst decisions I ever made in my life).

Wow, this is just depressing. But I”m still going to post it, because fuck it.

Until tomorrow.

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