Why Did I Just Watch That?

Why yes, yes I am referring to the Billboard Music Awards. How did you know?

I watched because I wanted to see 5 Seconds of Summer. (Don’t judge me.) And I kinda wanted to see the “historic” Michael Jackson performance (which I ended up missing due to the far more important FaceTime call from my niece). As far as I can tell they used the Hologram Tupac technology to bring us Hologram MJ, right? I’m surprised it took this long for that to happen.

Things I was not expecting: performances from Shakira, Ricky Martin, and Jennifer Lopez. It’s like time-traveling back to my senior year of college and being forced to listen to my roommate’s shitty music all over again. Also, heard Florida Georgia Line for the first time ever; I had to mute the TV five seconds into the performance because I was afraid my ears were going to start bleeding from the awfulness. I know I’m no country music fan, but that was terrible by country standards. And people actually like that band? Yeesh.

I probably shouldn’t be surprised that Lorde, Katy Perry, and Miley Cyrus wore hideous fashion crimes against humanity, but I kind of was. (Okay, Lorde wasn’t as bad as the other two, but it was pretty bad.) I enjoyed the subtlety of the big balloons over Katy’s tits; wait, I’m sorry, that was the opposite of subtle. And Miley: I have no words. I wish the Rolling Stones would sue her for copyright infringement.

Speaking of clothes, I get that 5 Seconds of Summer is a legit pop-punk band and good for them. But when I saw the dude rocking the Misfits shirt I couldn’t help but wonder if he’s actually a fan of the Misfits or if the band’s stylist told him to wear a Misfits shirt. Same goes for the dude who I’m pretty sure was wearing a Pink Floyd shirt. I’d rather they wear Blink-182 and All Time Low shirts if those are their real influences.

At any rate, I enjoyed 5SoS’s performance (and appreciated the fact that it didn’t feature fat people stripping down to their underwear). I also enjoyed Katy Perry, as much as I bitched about her outfit; I’d really like to see her live someday.

Until tomorrow.

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