I am trying not to lose hope, but it’s getting harder. It’s been a month since my interview. They told me that they didn’t want to drag the interview/hiring process out. I always assumed I’d hear something either way because I got the interview through one of my brother’s friends; that’s the only reason I haven’t completely lost hope.
I know that I shouldn’t have focused solely on this one interview, but the timing was just So Perfect; it felt like fate. And now fate is letting me down and it hurts more somehow. Is it too much to ask for the universe to just help me out for once in my fucking life?
The All-Star Game is on my TV right now. Manny Machado’s uniform top is too big; I find that really annoying. Oh good, a country singer doing “God Bless America” where “Take Me Out To the Ballgame” is supposed to go – stop making everything about the fucking troops! (Newsflash, U.S. Army, Independence Day isn’t fucking about you! Sorry, those Army commercials have been driving me nuts.) I don’t usually care about All-Star Game uniforms, but the hats are rad 🙂 And I love the genius at Fox who just played the WKRP in Cincinnati theme song.
There, that’s just the right mix of depression and weird stream of consciousness for my blog.
I am so conflicted about this, you guys.
On the one hand, yay it’s December! Lots of awesome things are going to happen this month, so woohoo!
On the other hand, oh God, it’s December and I am no closer to selling my house or finding a job than I was a year ago because I am a pathetic fucking loser. I am so, so fucked.
At some point in my life I internalized the message that I should be self-sufficient and that I shouldn’t ask for help. I can’t tell you when it happened, but I can assure you that it did. I hate asking for help. Like, *really* hate it.
But the thing is, there are people in my life who want to help me and want to see me succeed. I just forget that (a lot).
For instance, an offhand comment I made on the phone last night caused my brother to send me a bunch of job search resources. He even told me about jobs I didn’t know existed. (I’d share, but I haven’t really looked at the stuff yet because it’s the weekend, dammit.) It had never occurred to me that my brother, who works in pharmaceutical marketing, would have any leads for information science jobs. (And even if I’d known, I don’t know that I would have asked him for help. He’s my younger brother and I’m supposed to be the smart one. I realize that’s a bunch of bullshit, but whatever. Ain’t sibling rivalry grand?)
It’s good to be reminded that I’m not alone. I can’t promise that I’ll act on this realization since my brain is a morass of super fun issues, but just having the realization is a start.
I just glanced at the calendar on my wall and saw that my first student loan payment is due tomorrow; I’d kind of repressed that knowledge after I set up automatic payments a while ago. I’m so screwed. So, so, so, so screwed.
It seems the moron whose name is similar to mine is once again unable to provide people with her (I’m assuming it’s a her) correct email address. If it sounds like I’m judging her, that’s because I am! I’ve started getting weird emails that are not for me again and it’s creepy.
Plus, the emails are from really weird organizations. It was bad enough when I was getting receipts for purchases I didn’t make. (By the by, neither retailer ever gave me a better answer than “hit the unsubscribe link in the email.” Bastards.) Now I’m getting emails about my expressed interest in volunteer opportunities in some city (I try not to read the emails because I don’t want to know too much about the moron), which would be fine if I’d ever expressed interest in volunteering there. And last night I got a message from some sort of Australian tax entity about an online query the moron made. And that tax thing just takes the cake. I mean, of all things not to triple-check your email address on, a foreign tax question!? Conceivably the moron needs the answer to the tax question.
It just occurred to me that I probably ended up on the NRA’s mailing list because the moron is some sort of gun nut. Actually, that would explain a bunch of weird mailing lists I’m on; either someone hates me (not inconceivable, but doubtful) or the moron is incapable of spelling her own Goddamn email address.
And it’s not just annoying and weird; it’s creepy. I mean, the tax thing especially made me wonder if someone stole my identity. (This is more upsetting because I have to wait, like, nine months until I can check my free annual credit reports again.) But I have to believe that no one would be dumb enough to steal my identity and then make sure I get weird emails to make me suspect identity theft. No one’s that dumb, right?
As if I needed extra stress on top my impending birthday and my lack of a job and my impending student loan payments ($600 a month – I am fucked). Yay!
It’s graduation season (and I don’t have a job and my competition has increased and I am so screwed – moving on) and lots of bloggers are writing advice for the class of 2013. I’m not, though, because I don’t have any advice to give. Instead, I’m compiling a list of pieces I found amusing and/or helpful. Seriously, I wish someone had told me some of this stuff when I graduated.
- First, from everyone’s favorite cartoon penguin, we have Zoo With Roy’s post. Much as I generally love ZWR, I hate him for referencing that damn “Sunscreen” song/spoken word piece/whatever that for some ungodly reason received significant radio airplay when I was in high school or college. (I hate it so much that I’ve repressed when it came out.) Other than that, though, I enjoyed the post and thought there was some actual, good advice included, especially the part about living with your parents as long as possible. I lived with my parents for years and, even though it could suck sometimes, it is the reason I have been able to live in my own house even though I’ve been basically unemployed for 2.5 years.
- From Deadspin, we have Drew Magary’s post. It was posted last week so I’m a little late, but there’s some good stuff in it. Drew’s advice is the stuff that I most wish someone had told me: be reckless, fuck up a little, and travel. (For the love of God, why did no one tell me to travel after graduation??)
- From Jezebel, we have Katie J.M. Baker’s post. What really caught my eye in the post was the last paragraph in the “Don’t create drama. Create stuff.” section. I may not be filling my days with Wife Swap marathons, but I am filling them with my own brand of idleness and, y’know what, ignoring my problem isn’t making it go away and is making it more stressful.
- Finally, we have Lifehacker’s post-college survival guide. There’s a ton of useful information in the post and I will definitely be returning to it a lot now that I’ve inspired myself to work on my damn job hunt.
I gave myself a bit of a vacation the past three days. I slept in, ate whatever junk food I could find, and never left my house. (Thank God for Facebook, which reminded me to call my mom for Mother’s Day.) It was pretty awesome. But now I have to get serious about my job search. (I know I’ve said that before, but I was recently reminded that it’s graduation season, which means that there are more people looking for jobs. I’m so screwed.) So yeah, I’ve gotta start pretending to be a grown-up again.
At least the Phillies game was awesome. (Not until the 9th, but still.) Although I feel bad for Brandon McCarthy (but not enough that I wish the outcome had been different).