Tag: sarcasm


“Bring down the demonic forces over the Tampa Bay area” ~ actual phrase that was uttered at the Pasco County Board of County Commissioners meeting I attended today

Yeah, so that terrified me. An actual pastor talking about demonic forces in all seriousness (because they’re totally real, you guys) in a county government meeting. The worst part is, this wasn’t some guy who added himself to the agenda. Oh no. He was just attending the meeting as a spectator (and apparently praying for the commissioners the whole time) when one of the commissioners recognized him and invited him to speak. And he started talking about demonic forces. In the commissioner’s defense, she asked him to speak about some charitable organization he’s involved with and when he started the crazy demonic forces talk she cut him right off and tried to get him back on point.

I can’t speak for anyone else in attendance, but I can’t really take the organization seriously because, according to the guy who spoke at the meeting, it was created to bring down the demonic forces over the Tampa Bay area. I don’t really see how cleaning the homes of the homebound and elderly is going to bring down the demonic forces, but I don’t actually believe in demonic forces outside of fiction, so who the hell am I to judge.

So this was my day: board of county commissioners meeting (for an assignment), ridiculously long nap, and Phillies loss. Fun, right? Huh, I wonder if all this demonic forces talk is responsible for the dream I had during my nap wherein I was a vampire.

Lesson of the day: Vampires and demonic forces are totally real.

Until tomorrow.


In the first draft of this post, the one I was composing in my head an hour ago when it looked like the Phillies wouldn’t piss away a masterful performance from Cliff Lee (10 scoreless innings! stop it!), that was a jovial, Cliff Lee-style “whatever.” Now it’s a bitter, sarcastic (and ever so slightly resentful) “whatever.”

Dammit but that game was frustrating. Especially since it seemed like the only guys who gave a shit were Carlos Ruiz, Freddy Galvis, and Cliff Lee (your 7, 8, & 9 hitters, respectively). One run. We only needed to score one run in 11 innings. And we couldn’t even manage that.

For serious, can Ryan Howard and Chase Utley come back tomorrow please?

In slightly more positive developments, I’ve been awake for more than 13 hours. That’s an improvement on yesterday. And I got some very positive feedback on a couple of homework assignments. Oh, and I currently have the “United States of Whatever” song from Sifl & Olly in my head, so that’s making me smile.

Until tomorrow.

“This Must Be What Going Crazy Feels Like”

I spent way too much time this evening looking for my old Word document full of Firefly quotes. I never did find it. But I remembered the above quote from Dr. Simon Tam and it kind of works. Even though I would’ve preferred something from Mal Reynolds or Jayne Cobb.

Why was I looking for Firefly quotes? To commemorate the wonderfulness that was Adam Baldwin’s guest turn on Castle. If I enjoyed the Charisma Carpenter & James Marsters reunion on Supernatural, I friggin’ loved tonight’s Nathan Fillion & Adam Baldwin reunion. And the little Firefly references. *swoon*

In other news, Phillies West Coast trips are for the birds. I did not miss these super late starts. I don’t really know why I’m complaining, since I would probably be awake right now regardless, but I shouldn’t be. At least they won. But thanks for getting almost all of your offense when I wasn’t watching, Phils. Sorry, but a Mal & Jayne reunion on Castle was more appealing to me than watching y’all face Timmy Lincecum. It’s not like I had a lot of faith that you’d put up many hits. But you got eight hits on Timmy, so good job.

Can’t stop yawning. Must hit publish. And then sleep.

Until tomorrow.

It Worked

I bet you’re feeling pretty proud of yourselves, aren’t you, Phillies?  I mean, you got 14 hits, right?  But 11 (eleven!) of those hits were singles.  Only hitting singles is okay if you can string together three or four of them, but you guys couldn’t really do that.  There were a lot of back-to-back singles which turned into guys stranded on base.

And then when the offense exploded on the strength of several *gasp* doubles, they were from Laynce Nix, Pete Orr, and Ty Wigginton.  Those guys?!?  For crying out loud.

Oh, and don’t get me started on Juan Pierre.  Making the third out in the bottom of the 4th while trying to steal third base.  Why the hell were you even trying to steal third base?  That was so phenomenally stupid, I can’t even.

All of that being said, however, I do appreciate you beating the Mets.  I’ll take my offense from wherever I can get it. And I realize our fill-in infielders will need to do their part to keep the ship afloat until Howard and Utley get back.

(By the by, eventually I’ll stop doing this.  The Phils will lose a game despite my sarcasm the night before.  Or I’ll get bored or find something I’d rather write about.  But for the time being, I think I’ll keep this up.)

Until tomorrow.

Very Superstitious

Seriously, Phillies?  You couldn’t string together one measly run?  Just one run so you wouldn’t get shutout for the first time this year.  You can’t expect Freddy Galvis to carry the entire offense himself.  The poor kid only got his first major league hit on Monday.  MONDAY!

These are the Mets you’re playing.  The LOLMets.  They don’t appear to know what being on base entails (see: Josh Thole yesterday and Jason Bay today).  You’re better than they are.  Why don’t you play like it?

You see, the superstitious fan in my head thinks I need to write another blog post wherein I am sarcastic about the Phils.  The last time I wrote a sarcastic post about the Phils they won the next night.  And then I stopped writing sarcastic posts and they stopped winning (again!).  And I need them to win tomorrow.  I don’t think I could handle them getting swept at home by the Mets.  Here’s hoping I was sarcastic enough.

Until tomorrow.

What Is Going On?

I’m so confused!

The Phillies won. And they scored more than one run (hell, they scored more than four runs). They got back-to-back hits. I don’t understand any of this.

(It is my God-given right as a Philly sports fan to be sarcastic about my teams. Regardless of how much I love them.)

F’reals though, this game was so awesome. It didn’t have the most auspicious beginning, but that just made the offensive explosion that much more fun. And the “FREDDY! FREDDY!” chants that broke out at CBP as Galvis came up to bat in a huge spot in the 3rd warmed my freaking heart!

And if the Phils winning wasn’t enough weirdness for one night, I’m watching a playoff hockey game right now. (Or I was until Voracek scored the game winner less than 2.5 minutes into OT.) I don’t watch hockey (because I really couldn’t care less about it), but my Twitter timeline tonight was pretty evenly split between Phils and Flyers and after the Flyers tied it up at about the same time as the Phils game ended I felt compelled to find the Flyers game. So congrats on the game one win, Flyers. Get those 15 more wins so Philly can have another parade down Broad St.

Oh, and the Sixers won too. Making today a 3-for-3 day in Philly professional sports 🙂 Apparently it’s just the 24th time that’s happened. Which seems far too small to me, but what do I know?

Today wasn’t all awesome, though. I didn’t get any schoolwork done. But I think I deserved a day off, so I’m okay with it.

Until tomorrow.