Aww Man

I’m mad at Amazon. I don’t want to be mad at Amazon. But then I didn’t want Amazon to ship The Dark Knight Rises to me via USPS. So, clearly I can’t get anything that I want.

I was annoyed when I saw that they shipped via USPS, but I thought that I ought to give them the benefit of the doubt. The USPS couldn’t possibly fail to deliver a package to me again, right?

You should know that I am positive that when I pre-ordered The Dark Knight Rises there was a box on the screen that guaranteed that it would be delivered on release day. Which is, y’know, today. I can’t prove it because it wasn’t something that I thought to document, but I swear it was there. It wasn’t the preorder price guarantee, it was a release day delivery guarantee.

And see, that’s my problem. I don’t get why Amazon would choose to use something as unpredictable as USPS to fulfill a guarantee like that. (I dunno, maybe Amazon doesn’t know what a “guarantee” is. Like the “reservation” at the car rental place in that episode of Seinfeld. Or Vizzini and “inconceivable.”)

For that matter, I don’t know why Amazon would ever use USPS to ship anything to Prime members. Let me say again, the USPS cannot be trusted. I mean, I have a tracking number for the Amazon shipment I am awaiting, but USPS.com says delivery information is not available or some such bullshit. I don’t know about you, but if I were a giant retailer and people paid me a lot of money for a year of 2-day shipping, I would only use carriers that use tracking numbers to, y’know, track packages. What the bloody hell is the point of my tracking number if it’s useless?

Grr arrgh.

And now I’ve written 300 words and I haven’t even gotten to the weird, condescending customer service rep I chatted with. First, she assured me that I hadn’t been charged for shipping because I am a Prime member and I was like, “if only that had been my issue.” (I didn’t say that, though; I only thought it. In retrospect, the whole chat session was so stilted and off-putting that I didn’t bring up half the things I was thinking. I bet they do that on purpose. I mean, she was way too slow of a typist for someone who types for a living.) I asked her if I could request that they only ship things to me via UPS and she said she’d add a note to my account, which would be great if it actually works (not holding my breath for that). Then she said, “I understand and respect your preferences Kristin and I am terribly sorry.” Wha??????? (That’s a direct quote, by the bye. I saved part of the chat.) Slightly condescending tone and fake sympathy all in one. Good job, Amazon customer service rep!

Anyways… The long and short of it is that I was all excited when I walked to my mailbox and then utterly crushed when there was no Amazon package. And that sucks. Especially since I can’t wait to watch The Dark Knight Rises again, but now I have to. Stupid Amazon. Stupid USPS. Stupid everything.

Until tomorrow.

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